Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
