1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
