Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
