Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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