My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"