Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.