we have pet lesbian snakes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
