Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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