Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
