im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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