I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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