Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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