I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize