So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
