New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
