I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
