I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
