Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
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yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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