I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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