There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
