If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
