Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
