I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
