we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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