My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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