oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
