Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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