tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
