this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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