Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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