I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i believe in u and ur pee
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize