Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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