i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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