You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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