Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His hands were made for my vagina.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
