Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
