lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You can't just leave with hair like that
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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