Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
