Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
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just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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