he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize