Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.