Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...