C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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