If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
