This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
