OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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