She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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