I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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