So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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