nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
