Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
