i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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