i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
