you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
