NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
