Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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