So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
