Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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